Day of Blogs

More Cara’s Classic Posts!  I know I’m excited — aren’t you?

This one is piggy-backing off of the post here, It’s not sex, it’s rape.  As you could probably tell from that post, I believe that language matters and that the ways in which we discuss sexual violence help to shape how we see sexual violence (and yes, vice versa).  In this post, On sexual assault and language, I delve into the topic more deeply, explaining some of the reasons why I feel language is important and some of the reasons why people resist using the right words to describe sexual violence.  An excerpt:

Rape scares people when they think they know what it means — a guy jumping out of the bushes, beating the shit out of a woman, penetrating her vaginally with his penis and then running away. When you explain that this scenario not describe most actual rapes, many if not most rapes do not involve physical violence beyond the rape itself, most victims know their attackers, and most rapists don’t run away, either because they can’t even comprehend that they’ve done something wrong or they’re just so (usually correctly) sure that they won’t get caught . . . then people get really uncomfortable.

I think that there is more than one reason for this. It’s possible that I’ve left something out, but here are the four main explanations, as I see them:

The first is that we’ve been taught about how this version of rape isn’t nearly as bad as the jumping out of the bushes kind — but something in our conscience tells us that indeed it is just as wrong, and possibly worse, since an intimate partner, friend or family member who rapes is performing an ultimate betrayal. The second is that we’ve been taught about how this version of rape isn’t nearly as bad, and some people are determined to defend their understanding of the world, to excuse the way that they’ve blamed rape victims, not feel like an asshole, etc. The third is that the person (usually but not always a woman) is likely to realize that by this definition, they themselves have been raped. And since it is a natural human response to avoid pain, they don’t want it to be true. The fourth is that the person (almost always, but with a few exceptions, a man) might realize that by an honest definition of rape, they themselves are rapists. And this makes them feel very angry.

Read the full post here.