“Was it worth it?,” the Day of Blogs prompt asks.

Well, it was exhausting, that’s for sure. Getting something up every 30 minutes while trying to write somewhat legitimate posts is difficult as hell. Especially when I’m used to taking at least an hour to write a post that length. At least. Really, it’s tough. Particularly when you factor in the need for basic bodily functions like eating, using the bathroom and blinking. You should try it sometime. But I’m proud that I was able to do what I did. I was actually somewhat surprised at how mentally draining this was, and with that in mind I’m pleased that I accomplished so much and managed to write a substantial amount of quality material.

But was it worth it? Well, assuming that my sponsors don’t get pissed the fuck off at me, absolutely yes! The sidebar says that I’ve raised $394. I’ve also got a $50 echeck donation pending that won’t show up on the meter until it clears. That means a total of $444 was raised for RAINN today. $444! Not bad for something I decided to do on a whim this Monday and was worried would fail miserably. Not bad at all when I set my original goal at $200. You wonderful people smashed that, and you rule! [And just in case someone who wanted to donate didn't get the chance, I'm leaving the "event" open through Monday.]

Thanks so much also to everyone who stopped by to read and comment, especially those of you who stuck around for a while, including James who I just got to know today, and especially especially Anna (psst, the title of the post is a Beatles reference) who has been keeping me company for hours.

Love you folks.  Now I’m going to bed.

Rape survivors who have told their stories online, unless their rape fit some archetypal, bloody vision of rape, have probably run into the “real rape” phenomenon. This is the one where by calling your experience rape, it’s “demeaning cases of ‘real rape.’” Of course, those who make this argument have a vested interest in keeping the definition of rape narrow and attacking those who speak about their experiences with what actually is real rape. In On ‘Real Rape’ and Rape Apologists, I respond to those who attacked me personally for my comments about an alleged assault committed by Johnny Vegas, who said that my experience, and the experiences of slews of other people just doesn’t count.

I don’t care what the law is. I never said that penetrating a woman against her will with a finger fits the legal definition of rape. In some sane places, it does. In many others, it does not. I don’t give a shit. In many places, a man who has nonconsensual sex with his wife has not legally raped her. But he still raped her. In many places, a man who has sex with a woman who is unconscious has not legally raped her. But he still raped her. In most places, a woman does not have to say “yes” to give consent, but simply fail to say “no.” A situation where she did not say “no” but does not want sex and did not agree to it is still rape. No matter what the law says. Rape is the nonconsensual sexual penetration of another person. It’s not that fucking difficult to grasp.

I still think that Vegas’ ass should be in jail. But I don’t think that it’s unreasonable to presume that rape charges would be thrown out. I never said that they wouldn’t be. If actually taken to court, the highest charges that he could possibly be convicted on would be those falling under sexual assault that is not rape.

But if Vegas penetrated the woman with his finger, he still raped her.

I don’t know why people can’t understand that. I don’t know why people look to the law as some kind of fucking gospel and assume that it is always right. The law is not always right. That’s why we still elect legislative bodies and expect them to do the job of passing and amending legislation — because we have not yet reached a place where laws are timeless and perfect. And I doubt with all my might that we ever will. I can only assume that they’re arguing with me on legal terms because they don’t have anything else. Nope, Vegas will not and probably cannot be tried on rape charges. I never argued otherwise. What the hell is your point?

In any case, in addition to all of those who left wonderfully supportive comments, and as I note in the post, RAINN is also on my side. Something that small — a simple definition on their website — meant a lot.

Read the full post here.

But I do feel bad.  Especially since it seems like most people are still in.  I don’t want to be the wuss who drops out first.  Grr.  Oh, and then there’s the sponsors.  Hello sponsors?  You’re not going to be pissed, right?  Right? Maybe?

John knows what I’m going through:

Sorting out the Roman Polanski saga is not easy. His rape case is not only 31 years old, it is rife with sordid exaggerations, rumour-mongering, intrigue and complex moral issues that can, and do, cloud the facts.

The writer then goes on to say that well yeah, Polanski totally did ply a young girl with alcohol and drugs and “have sex” with her. So what exactly is clouded, exaggerated and whatever the fuck else he wants to call it, I’m not sure. The only thing I can conclude is that while the writer totally doesn’t condone rape, oh no he certainly does not, he just doesn’t think it’s fair to treat Polanski like the convicted rapist that he is.

The film contains many vintage clips of him being interviewed. In fresh interviews, others speak on his behalf, or at least about the case.

Besides key lawyers in the case, as well as friends in the filmmaking community, that roster includes Samantha (Gailey) Geimer, the rape victim. She makes it clear she believes that both she and Polanski got a life sentence for what happened between them.

The film never excuses Polanski’s shameful behaviour. Always intrigued by young women, he did have sex with an under-age girl, taking his fascination to illegal extremes. Samantha Gailey, then a child, should never have been drugged and seduced by an adult Polanski.

The film, however, also reveals astonishing facts about the apparent miscarriage of justice perpetrated by the celebrity judge in the case, the late Laurence J. Rittenband. Obsessed with gaining publicity for himself, Rittenband manipulated hearings, the plea bargain and the subsequent punishment cycle. He turned Polanski into a victim, even in the eyes of the prosecuting attorney.

“What happened between them?” The film never excuses Polanski’s behavior, so the writer feels the need to take it upon himself apparently. “Intrigued by young women?” “Sex with an under-age girl?” “Fascination?” The child was “drugged and seduced?”

Who the fuck decided that it was right for this man to be able to have a single drop of ink published on the subject of sexual assault?

When someone rapes you, that’s not an event that happens between the two of you — that is an act of violence that is enacted on your body. Polanski was not “intrigued by young women” — he was a rapist asshole who drugged and assaulted a young teenage girl. He didn’t have sex with her — he raped her, which is why his ass went to jail. The victim said that she said no. And in any case, it doesn’t matter because she was drugged and 13. You cannot “seduce” a 13-year-old girl, you sick fuck, let alone one whom you have drugged and who explicitly said “no.”

But nah, Polanski shouldn’t be treated like some horrid criminal, even though he raped a young woman and then willfully became a fugitive. After all, it’s not like he committed a real crime.  Sure he shouldn’t have done it, but I guess that he just took advantage of the situation, right?

I Feel Fine:

Ticket to Ride:

Penny Lane:

Revolution:

Something: (warning: Paul in this video may give you nightmares. But all of the other couples are totally cute.)

The government has been working to provide specially trained police officers, teams of experts and prosecutors across the country, said Coaker. The focus now was on ensuring that the same procedures were followed by every force.

“Every force has a responsibility to ensure that every single officer who comes into contact with a rape victim is supportive and believes the victim,” he said.

[. . .]

Metropolitan Police Assistant Commissioner John Yates said police had made “significant advances” in the way rape was investigated but admitted more needed to be done.

“Rape is a uniquely difficult crime to investigate,” said Yates, who is the Association of Chief Police Officers’ spokesman on the issue.

“But the fact that it’s difficult means we need to up our game and redouble our efforts to ensure victims can have confidence in the way they are approached by those working in the criminal justice system.”

So what do you think?  While obviously withholding my judgement until I can see the results, it does sound somewhat promising to me.  Namely, I appreciate that while noting that rape is a unique crime which poses challenges for investigation, Yates didn’t just stop there as they so often do with a whine, as though it’s an excuse.  In fact, Yates is absolutely right — the fact that rape cases pose unique challenges isn’t a reason to just throw up your hands and say fuck it, it’s a reason to work your ass off at figuring out how to do it properly.  There are problems at every level when it comes to rape and the judicial system — but while judges and juries need serious sexual violence education, police are the front line.  They take the reports, they conduct the investigations.  Police can’t necessarily help a victim to win a case, but they can easily help hir lose it.

Of course, the question is whether these are just very positive-sounding words or something that will be backed up with real action.  I do of course hope for the latter, but I won’t be holding my breath until I see the evidence. 

This is The Beatles (with an “a”). They were a band. Yes, a British one. They were popular throughout the 60s and released their final album in 1969.

This is a photograph of what we would call “early Beatles.”  From top left, clockwise, we have: Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, John Lennon and George Harrison.  But we usually just call them John, Paul, George and Ringo — in that order.

John Lennon founded the Beatles – he could be considered the lead singer.  In later days, he shared this duty with Paul McCartney.  John and Paul wrote many songs together.  They also wrote many songs separately, but all of them from the Beatles era are known as Lennon/McCartneys (in that order).  John also played guitar, normally rhythm.  Paul usually played bass, and was quite good at it.  Ringo was the drummer and is a very lovable chap.  George was the guitarist, a very skilled musician and later became a talented songwriter himself.

The Beatles released their first album in 1963 to instant commercial success in Britain.  In 1964, they enjoyed the same success in the U.S.  This was known as “Beatlemania.”  They produced many well-loved pop rock hits, including I Want To Hold Your Hand and She Loves You. 

At this time, the Beatles were already a breakthrough band, bringing a new type of music to the masses.  But their talents progressed and their music became more complex and experimental as they began using drugs like marijuana and LSD.  During what would be known as their “transitional” period, they produced songs such as “Ticket to Ride,” “Day Tripper” and “Penny Lane.”

This picture, circa 1967, would be from part of the period we would call “Late(r) Beatles.”  From left, we have Ringo Starr, John Lennon, Paul McCartney and George Harrison.  As you may notice, they are stoned out of their minds.

The Beatles began regularly using effects in their music, pioneering many techniques which are now standardly used in music production.  In this period they released what is probably their most well-known album, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.  They also each began developing their own styles, with Lennon/McCartney songs becoming easily distinguishable as “John songs” and “Paul songs.”  John songs tended to be introspective, dark, and lyrically-centered.  Paul songs tended to be more light, optimistic and melody-focused.

John songs you may know would include “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds,” “Strawberry Fields Forever” and “I Am The Walrus” (sorry Anna — though John once sang later “the walrus was Paul,” the walrus was actually John).  Paul songs include “Hey Jude,” “Hello Goodbye” and “Let it Be.”

This is the Beatles in 1968, shortly before they broke up.  From left, John, Ringo, Paul and George.  Notice the long faces - this is because they hate each other and do not want to be in the same room.  Many people blame this on Yoko Ono, but that’s a bunch of hogwash.  To the contrary, Yoko is lovely.  Really, the time had just come for things to end before one of them stabbed Paul in the eye with a rusty spoon.

All four of the Beatles went on to solo careers, some more successful than others.  Today, the two surviving Beatles are Paul and Ringo.

This is just about the most simplistic and basic overview of the Beatles that one could possibly provide.  We’re talking about a band that is often cited as the best and most significant in rock history.  If you want to buy a Beatles album, my husband says that you should start with Sgt. Pepper — that’s where everybody starts.  But I personally recommend Revolver as a beginner album.  We had a whole debate over it and everything.

Thanks to Ian for helping me write this.  We hope you have enjoyed the show.

The crime of rape itself is not the physical pain, though this is commonly an aspect. The crime of rape itself is not about a lack of physical pleasure, though this is also very often true. A woman who does not feel physical pain or who does feel physical pleasure during a rape has still been harmed.

The crime of rape is the imposition on another person’s body. The crime of rape is taking away another person’s right to make their own decisions, deciding what will and will not happen to their bodies. The crime of rape is failing to respect personal boundaries and enacting your will on another. The trauma of rape isn’t necessarily the physical pain; the trauma of rape is temporarily losing control of your own body and your own life. And as rape intends, many victims fail to realize that the control is temporary. The crime and trauma of rape is the assertion that a person’s autonomy can mean absolutely nothing to others and can be taken away. The crime of rape is its inherent intent to own another person.

You can read the full post here. Really, I do strongly recommend this one.

Or the importance of listening and accepting a rape victims story as a separate issue from placing legal responsibility on the perpetrator. Wouldn’t it be nice if a victim could tell hir story without everyone leaping to talk about the guilt or innocence of the perpetrator? Even for like 15 seconds?

Ah, wouldn’t it be nice indeed? I write an awful lot about the legal system and its treatment of rape survivors, because those are the stories that make the news. But I’d have to say that “why didn’t you report?” and “rape victims should always report” crap is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Honestly, I used to be that person. “Rape victims should always report because otherwise the rapist goes free and the rapist will just rape again.” You know, the victim has a responsibility to prevent further rapes — it’s on hirshoulders somehow. Of course, this was before being raped myself and oops, not reporting. (Hey, I also used to buy into the “you made the decision to have sex” anti-choice argument as well — what can I say, I was a stupid young teen.)

There are a few problems with this. The first is that it takes the responsibility off the rapist — after all, the rapist is an irresponsible subhuman piece of scum who just can’t help but raping, not an autonomous human being who makes hir own decisions. No. The rapist may be a piece of scum who doesn’t give a shit about other people, but the rapist still makes the decision to rape. Any time we start arguing that someone other than the rapist is responsible for the rapist’s decision to rape, we’re getting way, way too far into victim-blaming territory. And blaming a rape victim not only for hir own rape but for the rape of other people? Do we see how fucked up this is?

The second is the simple fact that victims don’t owe you anything. Victims do not owe society. They do not have a responsibility or a debt to pay. The only responsibility a victim has is for hirself — and I will never, ever begrudge a rape survivor for doing what sie needs to do in order to feel safe and stable.

I’ve been subject to the why didn’t you report? attacks. And that shit is both infuriating and painful. Firstly, it’s none of your goddamn business why I didn’t report. Secondly, I’ll tell you because I know that a lot of other survivors are in the same boat. I didn’t report because I didn’t understand what rape was — and after being traumatized for many years, finally understood “oh shit, well that’s why.” And if I did know? I probably wouldn’t have reported then either. My rape didn’t fit the definition of what most consider to be “rape” or even “date rape.” He was much more powerful than me, and my entire small town would have taken his side. There was no evidence, and after all, he was my boyfriend. I didn’t report because it was not safe for me to report. It still wouldn’t be today.

What survivors need is to be listened to. And telling survivors what they should and should not have done is not listening. Asking “Well did you report?” can sound just as interrogating and hurtful as “What were you wearing?” And why does it so greatly matter to you? Because you want to see the perpetrator brought to justice? Or because you want to exist on some sort of moral high ground. Even if it’s the former, you need to reconsider your priorities.

Maybe it’s the late hour, but I don’t know how else to say it other than shut the fuck up and listen.  And if you need to say something?  Try “how are you?” or “is there anything I can do for you?” or “I’m here for you if you need me.”

(And George falls over in 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . .)